No Problem, Big Problem
I think by now we’ve all recognized that the service industry has stopped saying, “you’re welcome” and has shifted to the more guilt-inducing “no problem.” For example, here’s a recent exchange I had with a bank teller:
Me: There wasn’t a way to do it online, so thanks for helping me with this transfer.
Teller, in a distracted, irritated sort of voice: No problem.
Wait, what? I know it’s not a problem, at least not for you. It was a problem for me. That’s why I came to you for help, because that’s what your job is supposed to be. You’re supposed to help people. Can you imagine a surgeon saying “no problem” to a patient after she thanks him for removing her uterus? I doubt it.
Essentially, when someone says “no problem,” they’re lying. They are saying that whatever it was that you asked them to do was in fact a problem. A big problem. A huge, serious life-altering problem. In my case, I probably took 3 valuable minutes away from the bank teller when he could have more efficiently spent that time looking for midget-on-pony pornography, and for that I am truly sorry.
So stop it, Mr. Arrogant Bank Teller With A Fancy Tie Who Isn’t Much More Than an ATM With Glasses. You’re not better than me. You just have a slightly higher paying job than I do, with better benefits and a greater chance for advancement. That’s nothing, man, because apparently you’ve got serious problems.